I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
