y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
