we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
