why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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