I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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