Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
