addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
