i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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