I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
