i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
