Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
