You don't have asthma, your pregnant
...so i touched it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
