he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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