i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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