Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
