okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
