I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
