My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
