yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
