Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
