He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
