i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
