11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
