I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
