I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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