You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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