As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
