no, he came in my armpit
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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