If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
