So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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