Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
