Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
