let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
