God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
