Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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