last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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