Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
