I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
