if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
