One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
