He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
