I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
