Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
