i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even my vagina gasped.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
