sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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