Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
