this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
