apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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