according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
