It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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