My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
