Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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