well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
