i think my tv is drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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