Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
