Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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