Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
