Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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