on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
